Till We Meet Again
by Chimhill
Summary: Love is missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart.
1. Chapter 1

**Till we meet again**

_She was someone I could never get, I could never seem to be able to get things to work out between, but in all truth, I loved her. _

_This is how it went down. It always seemed to go the other way for us, but did I love her. Yes?_

_I love her? Did she love me? I hope she did._

_I wont say that she was at fault, I was too. But he was a constant in her life; he knew that if he just said I LOVE YOU, I am sorry she would leave me in a heartbeat. Well she did. But that isn't the point at all. The point is that I was afraid what if she and I go deeper into this relationship and not long she tells me, I have met someone else. What if I was just a phase for her, I mean I was the girl she came out with. I was the first girl she has ever truly fallen for. She wasn't my first and hopefully she wouldn't be my last. _

_I let her go because I wanted her to be really sure she was sure about being gay._

_I fell for her not knowing where this is going. It has been five years now that I haven't seen her. Some nights she is in my dreams. I still think about her. Where is she? Is she truly happy in her current relationship?_

_Ashley has been that person who you want to be around constantly. I remember the last time I have seen her she invited me to a party I didn't know what to expect. She was my high school sweetheart and always would be._

_Flash back_

_I finally arrived at her house what I thought was a celebration ended up being not so. I stood on her doorstep, as I got the courage to knock. I can't understand why I am getting nervous. We have been best friends before we broke up. Well mostly we didn't really break up. She just called me up one day and said we cant be friends. It stung every time I think about that most times but not always. Do I love her yes I do? Am I in love with her, I wish I weren't I just kept it to myself. _

_I knock once again. When the door flew open and a small girl I have never seen, but something in her eyes told me. She could be related to Ash._

_Not long I hear her soothing voice._

"_Cassy I told you never open doors at night." She called from the passage. I could see her shadow coming towards us._

_The little girl gave me that nose crinkle I use to love from Ashley. I wonder how they related._

"_Its just someone Mom!" the girl shouted back. I knew it. I knew at some point she would fall in love again and meet a life partner raising a kid with them._

_Its then I saw them. My eyes still glued on the small mini Ashley._

_The same eyes, the same tan skin, the same curly brown hair._

_It could be possible. Ashley is a catch any woman would be happy to be with her._

"_Spence." I hear my name. I was still in a daze by just the fact she has a child. _

_The fact that she invited me saying she has a party meant nothing right now._

"_Spencer?" I heard once again._

"_Mom is she Spencer." I hear the girl asking._

_Ashley nods her head._

_Spencer wake up. You are spacing once again. _

"_Ash..Ahh…."_

_I was stuttering. Why am I stuttering? I feel warm. My face is burning up. I feel her arms around me just squeezing me. Like she has wanted to do so for quite sometime. Gosh I love her still._

_She pulls away._

_Not too far._

_I asked._

"_Where is all the people?" she starts to laugh._

"_Ahh sorry no. No party Spencer." She says. She opens the door wider. _

_Just as I walked in, without noticing a car has stopped in her drive way. Without noticing the person behind me. With not even a thought in my mind hearing the little girl call the person. Not by name or anything but these two words._

"_My mommy." The only two words to set my mind in over drive. _

_The only two words to make me loose all control as I stormed out of that house and never looking back._

_Hearing Ashley calling after me._

_I didn't turn around._

_I couldn't._

_Because I knew we would never meet again._

_**AN: tell me if you guys like it I may continue.**_


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2

_I have this quote but mostly it's a drawing of a traffic light. It reads PEOPLE ALWAYS LEAVE? In more ways it's just what she did. She left me. She created a family with someone else._

_Flashback_

"_Do you think we'd have a family one day." I asked her. She was currently sitting on the floor with her back against the couch I was sitting on. Her head was somewhere in a dream I think._

"_Where's your head at Ash."_

"_You know that feeling you get, that it's Sunday and the following day is Monday." She asked me out the blue._

"_What you talking about?" I asked._

_She turns around, facing me as her hands lay on both my knees. I kept my eyes intently on hers._

"_Someday we can have that. The whole she bang, kids, marriage, white picket fences. But will we ever get their, I mean we still on college, tomorrow is Sunday and then I got to go again. Will we make it? You are my first. My first true love, being apart from you kills me." she said. I could hear in her voice that something is wrong, since she came to visit me over the weekend that she is pulling a way from me slowly. She is busy putting that wall up._

"_I know we will. We can do this. I miss you just as much Ashley. I want to be with you now and forever. I will give up studying here in San Francisco art school and go back to Los Angeles. I'd do that for us." I tell her. I start to sit up as I pull her closer to me. There was tears' falling from her eyes._

"_Spencer I love you. Maybe we should take it slow, see what is out there." I can't believe what I am hearing._

"_Ash you can't be serious about this. What is it about me loving you, you don't understand. You are the one I want, I will always want you, and I miss you more. Nothing can ever change that."_

_My own tears start to fall. I don't want this to end. I can't let her leave it all like this. Without fighting at least fight for us I thought._

_We both went silent after that; both just sitting there neither knowing what is going to happen next. _

_Until she got up and walked out of the front door. I didn't know if I should stay put are should I follow her and talk this out. She can't be honestly thinking we going our own ways would help the distance._

_I waited for 10 minutes until I found her standing outside on the porch her shoulder and head laid against the pillar._

_I stood for abit until I couldn't take the silence anymore._

"_You've been quiet tonight." I tell her._

"_I am worried Spence." She says. As I linked my arm into hers as she holds me close. One thing I must say no matter the conversation we just had I just cant pull myself a way from her neither can she._

_I gave a hard sigh. As she kiss the top of my head._

"_I don't want to hold you back, Spence, you got all this fire inside of you, I don't want to be the one to put the fire out." She says._

"_You already done that, the night you told me to come here." I said. But I knew I wasn't upset about it, the fact she wanted me to take the scholarship, but it took me a way from her._

_The following day I found myself on the next flight to San Francisco._

"_What do you feel when we together." I asked her._

"_Hope." She answers. She was playing with the strained hair that was blowing by the light breeze in my face._

_She is so beautiful._

_An amazing person. But could this really all be coming to an end. _

_Out of nowhere I blurted it out._

"_Do you want to get married?" _

_To be continued_


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3

_Flashback_

"_Do you want to get married." The question was out there. I dint know how to take it back. But I can honestly say. She is the one I would want to spend the rest of my life with._

_She didn't say anything she just looked stunned. _

_My dad always said I should use my heart and not my head, here I am using both and still I am not getting anything out of her._

"_Did. did you just say you want to get married." Finally._

"_Yeah." I said._

_We both stood there still in shocked._

"_Crazy right." I said. With a smile tugged at my lips._

"_A little." She says. Her smile was just something I became addicted to._

"_I want to you to be my wife." I tell her. She moved pass me into the house. What did I do now? I asked myself._

_I followed her back in as I close the door behind me._

"_Spence any other time maybe but we can't. You can't just spring that on me."_

"_Do you love me?" I asked._

"_Off course I love you. What question is that? But not right now we can't get married." I could hear in her voice she was getting frustrated by the question._

"_Ash I love you. I will pack up and go home."_

"_NO!" she yells. She start to pace around._

"_NO? Why?" I asked._

"_Because we still both young, we got so much that we have to discover, you with your art me and my music. I am not ready for that neither are you."_

"_Don't tell me what I need or don't need. You don't seem to see what I am seeing. I am willing to give all this up for you." I argued back._

"_For you to regret me, later on. Never."_

"_I wont." I say._

"_We don't know what lies ahead Spence so I don't want to commit to something I can't promise you."_

"_Just like that." I asked her._

"_We done talking about this. I am going to bed." She said. With that she turned around and walked straight to the bedroom. _

_End of flashback_

_That night I slept on my couch. The following day she left, but we didn't break up._

_But deep down it was just a matter of time before we eventually did._

_Did I stay and completed my four years, yes I have._

_I am now the owner of my own art Gallery in Los Angeles._

_Its funny how life goes but you know what its not funny at all when the love your life is now a part of someone else's family._

_Her little girl and her partner. Gosh it should have been me._

_I was busy sketching for my new collection it was mostly drawings of her. Until I hear this song on the radio. I got up and put it louder to let the lyrics drift inside my head._

_**It's the biggest storm in years they say**_

_**Couldn't take a plane so I hopped a train**_

_**I'd like to stay, in a stormy winter's day**_

_**So I'll come back to you someday.**_

_Just that made me know that someday I will see her again._

_It was raining as I walked are more liked jogging through the park. It was cold I could see that autumn has finally bestow upon us. It's weird when it gets like this in sunny California. You expect sun all round the year. But I love this time of the year as I usually run to clear my mind, how many times haven't I done that. As the leaves fall from the habitual place and on the ground making the grass yellow, brown. _

_I was breathing fresh air as it fills my nostrils seeping through my brain, spinning in my head. She always use to say I am weird. That is what she loved about me._

_I was finally near my destination as I open the door and walked straight in calling out to her._

"_Mom are you here." I said as I went to sit on the couch waiting on her._

_I pulled my coat of as I threw it on the other side of the chair._

"_Be right out honey." She calls back._

_I could feel my tears burning in my eyes just that minute she comes to sit next to me._

"_Spencer are you okay." She asked me._

_I could see she was all dressed up. After her and my dad split up things have become really hard for her. We all know how Paula Carlin used to be but she has really changed over the years since dad has left._

"_What is wrong, please tell me." she asked me again._

"_Mom I miss her. Everyday and she is with someone else." I start to tell her._

"_I know. Does she love you." she asked._

_I looked at her for along time while I shrug my shoulders. I know she does._

"_She does, she loves me mom. I know it's been years but I never stop loving her not for once." Tears came like a stream._

"_Then tell her?"_

"_I cant you see, she is with someone they have a family together, it doesn't matter now." I got up as I throw my hands up in the air._

_Turning to face her._

"_Years ago when I was studying in San Francisco, I asked her to marry me."_

"_You did what?"_

"_I asked Ashley Davies, the girl you hated me with to be my wife." I tell her rounding and pronouncing the words out._

"_What did she say?" She asked._

"_She turned me down and went to sleep. Few weeks later we broke up for good. Then one day out of the blue she invited me to her house for a party I got there and I found a little girl. She was the splitting image of Ash. Next thing I know another woman showed up, the little girl called her, mommy." I said out of breath trying to talk through the tears._

"_She said no, Ashley said no. unbelievable. I thought she would want forever with you that girl worshipped the ground you walked on; she was that in love with you. That must have been the hardest thing she has ever done are more like the only good thing she has done for someone."_

"_Mom please doesn't start."_

"_I am not starting anything. What was her reason." She asked me._

"_That she didn't want me to regret her later on in life."_

"_Wow?" is all she said. I looked at my mom as she brushed the strain hair out of my eyes._

"_She did a selfless act and you want to punish her for finding love again." She said. I never punished Ashley. I just wanted us to have that. The dream she and I spoke about. The white picket fences, marriage and kids. A home. I wanted all that with her._

_I didn't just loose my best friend but I also lost my soul mate all in one person. Is it so hard to want that life with someone? Does walking away or giving up on that dreams you've had ever helped. Yes you can find love but we had a connection. We had a deep affectionate bond that I always thought could never be unbroken yet I feel lost because my heart hasn't stopped loving her. My mom is right maybe I am selfish, maybe I am just someone who can't let go of the past. Because I have tried dating other women all that happen was a first date and nothing more is because my heart is with some who's somewhere else with some other family._

_To be continued._


	4. Chapter 4

Part 4

Spencer's Dairy Entry 2005

_Are you staring at the walls in your room with sighs of grief? Listening to depressing music with quick reflections of regret and longing? Heartbreak can be very painful, I mean I am living through it for all this time, another woman cant take that ache away, have I overcome the crushing reality of a fading romance it fabricated self destruction._

_I am still experiencing a time when I thought it was the end that it is the end of the world and nothing else could possibly replace what I had lost. I couldn't eat nor sleep and I would wait endlessly for a phone call that never came. I isolated myself from everyone, and dwelled in my own misery with partial hoping that she might come back to me and everything would be back to normal. The struggle against my own feelings of vulnerability and uncertainty and why I have been feeling it in the first place._

_Love is complicating and the dynamics of caring for someone else is staggering._

_When we broke up I asked myself these questions? What doesn't she love me back? What happened to us, where did I go wrong and what more could I have done to make her realise that we could do this, that distance shouldn't be the only reason to break up._

_After we went our separate ways even though it wasn't what I wanted. I still love her. But eventually I knew this was something I have to work on to get through but let me tell you, heart break is a dark experience. I had to distract myself from going insane and had to do drastic measures, disconnect myself from all connections that I've had with her, because laying around and repeating all the WHAT IF'S took a toll on me emotionally._

_There was times I had the phone in my hand tempted to call her up just to hear her voice, but I knew in my heart I wasn't ready, seeing her nor hearing her brought back all that pain and heartache I tried to shake off. _

_I remember not eating for days because I was so emotionally damaged that the thought of any food or activity of the normalcy in my life was stripped away. I never thought it a million years the heart ache of her doing what she has done._

_But here I am still years later even though all those things happened when I was on college; it doesn't mean I ever stopped loving Ashley Davies. I have tried to date, I have tried to move on but mostly I pretend to have moved on, the only person who knows is my mother she has been great to me. It was like she has helped me see things through Ashley's eyes and not through my own vision of how things should have been._

_How I wanted her to wait for me and to come back to L.A and be with her living our dream. The painful reality was when it was two months later after our break up and I got the email from Madison that she has seen Ash with another girl. That she and this girl looked pretty much crazy about each other. The minute I have heard this news it was like a bulging pain seeping through my lower body. The days after that I was hooked on the strongest pain killers I could find, I have gotten medicine for mild depression. I just didn't want to alert my mom with what I was experiencing, I think it went on for two months being on this pain killers, sometimes there wouldn't be any pain but yet I would take them just to numb myself from feeling anything or everything. Some days I couldn't get up from my bed because the pain has literally made me weak. How many pain killers could I take to heal it or just to take some pain a way for hours? If I should be honest with you I think I must have gone through about 60 tablets in the first month or just so over a month. I couldn't stop it until a friend I have met on college came to my rescue. Without telling anyone else she has been there to help me and let me see that doing this to myself isn't worth it. That I could get over this. She took me to a therapist and that was how I over came my problem. Here I am years later and still I am longing for her but I just don't let myself go back to the pain pills anymore. _

_Yes in some way I want to believe I have moved on, that this is just a part of the story. Until I went to a conference and the guest speaker had these words nicely put down for me. as most know I didn't want to believe that it's the end of me and Ashley I am still hoping that one day our paths will bring us back together and yes wishful thinking on my part she is married with a family how can I ever compete with that. But I don't live for competitiveness I live in the world where I know true love conquers all._

_**There are people who can walk away from you.**_

_**And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try and talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.**_

_**When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.**_

_**And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's over.**_

_AN: I know its been longtime. I am working towards the end of this story. This is a part of Spencer's dairy._


	5. Chapter 5

Part 5

I was yet again busying myself working around the studio when I put my earphones of my IPOD on and switched it on. Right there the song that I haven't heard in almost 9 months ago blared through my ears. It was MY ANGEL by Leona Lewis. I remember this song so long time ago it was her favourite song she use to sing it to me all the time. As she would stretched out her arms for me to take her hands. I remember that memory like it happened yesterday.

_Flashback_

_I was sitting on my bed as she came walking in, I think the radio must have been on when this song started to play. She was a great singer. Her voice was the sexiest huskiest voice I have ever heard._

_She came in as she walks in with her hips swaying from side to side as I looked her way, our eyes locking never letting go from each other. It was always our thing the minute our eyes locked their was always so much love in it. This was just before we went off to college._

_I feel it, you feel it that this was meant to be_

_I know it, you know it that you were made for me_

_We can't deny this any longer; day by day it's getting stronger._

_I want it, you want it, and it's what the people want to see_

_We're like Romeo and Juliet_

_Fact leaves fate to find us_

_Like the tallest mountain or the widest sea_

_Nothing's big enough to hide us_

_When we make love its overwhelming_

_I just touch the heavens_

_You're an angel, you're an angel_

_I said this world; this world could leave us any day_

_But my love for you, it will never go away_

_And I don't wana go to sleep cause you were like a dream_

_For every night I say a prayer, well I swear you are the answer_

_You're an angel, you're an angel_

_I don't need three wishes, well, I just need one_

_For us never to finish, for us to never be numb_

_When they say it's over, we'll just say I love you_

_And when they say it's finished, we'll just keep on building_

_She laid her head on my shoulder as the last part of the chorus got sung by the singer. She was quiet for quite sometime until she lifted her head as tears was streaming down my face. I couldn't hold it in, I couldn't not cry for what those words she just sand to me meant. It meant more than anything she has ever given me._

_She looks at me as she wipes the tears with the thumb, kissing my lips. She pulls away again._

"_You're my angel Spence. Never forget that oaky baby." She says._

"_I won't forget Ash. I don't think I could ever forget or want to forget."_

"_As long as I have you, nothing in this world can ever hurt me. Don't ever let go." She says. She pulls me into her as she went to go kiss me once again. She pulls me on her lap as we sat in my computer chair._

_End of flashback_

I start to wipe my eyes with my long sleeve shirt. That was the one memory I would never forget. Its times like that, that makes me realise that we were meant for each other. We were brought together by faith. She is my Juliet there is no doubt. But what is next for me. What do I do? Do I move on when I can go back? Go back and see if she is really happy in her new life. Sometimes I would stare at her pictures for hours. Just starring at it. I just can't believe she isn't in my life. That she is out there happy with someone else.

Spencer you got to stop you can't keep doing this to yourself.

_Someone ones told me that love conquers all, that the best kind of love is the ones worth fighting for. Longing for someone to complete this half of a person. I deserve to be happy; I deserve to be with my angel. As much as I was hers, she was my best friend, my lover, my confidant, my all, my heart, my home._

_Shit I cant no way. I can't do this stop talking to yourself and just do it already. It's what you want. People expect us to be together. They believe Spashley is the IT couple. I mean Aiden tried to break us up so many years ago and we found our way back, yes he told her his her forever but he didn't have her heart, just like this wife or whatever she is. She would never have Ashley they way I have had. It's been five years to long for me to not be happy. There's still time. I got to go. I got to go to her its all I have to offer her, my heart. My love. She is my angel and that is all that matters. Wish me well. _

I start to move away from my desk as I got out of my chair. I just have to do this I don't care what I find after all this time but I will need to get my heart back. This is what I should have done so many years ago. That day I walked away I should've stayed.

I grab my car keys.

"Where you going Spence?" I hear a voice. I forgot to tell you but I met someone she's an artist to. But right now I got other plans.

"To find answers." And I was gone.

**AN: Inspired by a song my girlfriend send me ten months ago. Today I came across it after so long, My Angel by Leona Lewis.**

**I don't know how this chapter came out I hope you like it.**

**I think Spencer needs some peace in her soul and find her true love again.**


	6. Chapter 6

Part 6

Spence I can't believe you are doing this; you are driving towards your past or be haps your future.

The fact that you left a possible girlfriend in your studio to drive towards an ex lover whose currently married in love and hasn't tried to contact you since that day you walked away.

My mind was lost on the journey ahead when I felt the vibration coming from my pockets. I reached out to get the vibrating gadget from my jean clad pocket. I removed it seeing his name popping on the screen telling me I got an incoming call. Thinking why is he of all people calling me now and I haven't heard from him since the wedding between him and Madison. Believe it or not she has some good qualities after the torture she has caused me on high school. Every time we go out to lunches she would say, I miss you with her. I do too. But what does he want from me.

"What?' I shout through the phone.

"Hello to you too sunshine." He says in that voice I sometimes can't stand.

"Aiden I am busy driving here. What do you want?" I asked him. I could see that I am getting closer and closer to her turn off and I am starting to get nerves.

"Cant I just call you. See how you doing?"

"No and yes. But I really got to go. We'll talk soon." That's when I heard him saying it.

"Spence she is happy. Don't you want that for her." I know that they were still in contact no wonder Madison could tell me every time she miss us together. So is Madison telling me, she's not happy anymore? Why would Aiden say the opposite?

"We'll good for her Aiden, I got to go." He was starting to pull at my last nerve to go through with this. I know I am too late to ask anything from her, but my heart just can't love another.

"You can love again. It's because you are doubting you'll find that same thing. You are fearing if you'll let your heart fall in love again. You might forget about her. Spence I want you to be happy. Let her go?" part of me thinks his right, well he is, my mom said the same thing, but I am already here, my car is parked in front of her house.

"Aiden I have to go bye." I ended the call and sat back in my seat sighing not knowing what to do next.

_Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love isn't everything its crack up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more._

All these things, words, sentences are running through my mind while I am just sitting here, fiddling with my steering wheel.

_I wish I had the guts to walk away and forget about what we had, but I can't because I know you won't come after me and that's what hurts the most._

_I am so afraid to feel nothing so I feel everything._

_All I want to do is just get with you and make the pain go away._

Spencer for the life of everything that is good, drive away now don't do this. She is not yours. Like Aiden said she doesn't need you anymore. That connection is forever broken.

_You smile when you like crying, you act like you okay, when really falling apart inside and you let it go, you move on because there's nothing else you can do or say._

I am so in love with this woman, when she's the worst and the good part of me, why can't I let her go. Why is it so damn hard? I start to feel that pain again. That pains that she put there. But it's my fault I know; I let her love effect me this much.

The woman you love is the one whose hurting you, who don't seem to be phased by it, but the one whose willing to be their and trying so hard on letting you open up to her you are pushing away. Until realisation struck a chord in me. My eyes still peering through my windshield to her closed door.

_Flash back_

_There comes a point in every girls life where she realizes that she just needs to let it go, I mean nothings ever going to change the fact at one point I really did love you with everything in me. its just the fact that I simply can not do this to myself and I can not make this work, face it baby we're in a lose- lose situation and as far as you're concerned I am just on one of my "I'm leaving you for good this time", kicks again, but the only difference is this time its real._

_I am done, and don't bother because you're never going to see me. I wish you true happiness Spence, I hope she makes you happier then I ever could._

_End of flash back_

That was Blake the girl I started to date in my senior year of college, I think she was the first girl after Ashley I ever could say I felt something for. Was it love I still can't say? But I cared about her, the way I treated her was wrong. I made everything about me and my feelings never considering she was in this relationship to. She is gone now. She walked out of my life, like they all do. Maybe it's me. Maybe I am just someone to be feeling this lost.

Currently there's a girl sitting in my studio, hoping I'll let her in. give her some kind of hope that she could be the one to open my heart to love someone other then Ashley Davies.

Ashley I start to say her name until I saw the front of her door slightly opening with a younger girl running out of the house with a pink dress and two pigtails, with an older woman running after her. The girl spotted me and I couldn't tear my own eyes away, she looked at me like trying to figure out where she has seen me before, she must have said something to the older woman because she points her finger towards my car. I looked to the older woman and saw not her but someone identical to her. Kyla. Before I knew it I start my engine and I was gone.


	7. Chapter 7

_**AN: I am trying my utmost to give this story a good send off. It's near the end. But I'd like to say this. I have in my personal capacity came to learn what love or true love means. I live it every day with someone who's never given up on my love. sometimes we take our love for granted thinking it would wait on you forever but this year I have learnt some lessons the hard way, that letting go of someone isn't that easy, I wish all my readers lots of love and blessings in there relationships. Thanks for reading my work it's much appreciated. I have met three equally amazing females in the last year, three ladies I hope would never forget the good times. Thanks for everything.**_

Part 7

_Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go._

Knock, knock.

I heard on my front door it was quarter to three the afternoon. I have been sitting inside my apartment for the last day since I came back from her house. I can't believe I went all over there just to run or in my case drive right back without even talking to her.

I open the door and there she stood standing on my door way.

"Spencer, it's been years hasn't it." she smiled at me as I looked down seeing she isn't alone.

I remember her so well; I could never forget that face, those eyes is exactly the same as I remember them.

"Yeah, you right it has been." I say. Not knowing what more to say. I open the door wider to let them both in. when the little girl that could be around eight years old ran right through.

"Honey don't run in the lady's house." She said. I am still confused on what she is actually doing here.

"I bet you wondering what we are doing here. Well I'll tell you." she said. Okay now she is starting to creep me out with her reading my thoughts. I only remember one other brown eyed girl doing that.

"Kyla it's none of my business."

"Spencer if it wasn't for you coming over the other day. Yes I saw you, I know why you came. It's about her isn't it." she says.

She looks towards the girl that was engrossed into the television. Kyla's eyes left after a while as the smile on her face never left but I knew she was in deep thought.

"Kyla really it's been years since I saw her."

"Yes I know. Well for starters she left California two years ago." What?

"What?" I look towards the little girl. Why would Ashley leave her child behind and what happened to her wife.

"It's a long story. But Blair isn't Ashley's neither is she her ex's." now I am confuse.

"I don't understand. I heard her call Ashley mom."

"She is mine, Spencer. I was young, I got pregnant and the weekend after Ashley came from you, we found out I was pregnant and I didn't know what to do when Ashley suggest that I give birth then give the baby up for adoption." I can't believe this.

But I kept my mouth just listening to her, knowing that there is more to this story. That I can't react mad or upset to the news. But I am still wondering how and why?

"I couldn't go on with the pregnancy knowing my child would be raised by a stranger, that I would never see her again. That is when Ashley came to me and told me she would raise Blair as her own. By the time I gave birth to her, sorry Spence she met someone and they seemed in love or so I thought. They raised Blair for the first four years of her life. She knows everything. We told her everything, but the same time Ashley and Tanya broke up and there was nothing left for her here, but leave." She finally finished.

"Wow? That isn't something I can imagine must have been both hard and confusing for all of you. But what does this got to do with me. Yes I ended up at your house thinking she's there, but I am glad I didn't follow through with it." I tell her. Gosh how much more can I go through. This whole situation is beyond me crazy. The girl I am in love with was never really a mother and she kept that from me. She didn't even call me.

Blair came up to Kyla, while she looks at me.

"You are my other mommy's friend right." I nod my head. To think she has her aunt's eyes and same features, how much does blood relatives look like each other.

"Yes honey." I said.

"Can I have some juice?"

"Sure." I said as I take her hand as she follows me in the kitchen.

I gave her the juice as I pour some wine for myself and Kyla. I walked into the lounge where she was sitting. She seems like someone who's got a lot going on in her mind.

"Kyla are you okay." As I hand her the glass.

"Yes I am. I am just sorry for what happened to you and my sister. I didn't know at the time you broke up, but when I saw her dating Tanya, I asked what happened but she never spoke about it, but I knew she was heartbroken. She just couldn't get herself to talk about you. Even when your name get mentioned she finds away to cover up by changing the topic. I never forced her until she finally told me."

I nod my head for her to go on. As I sip on my drink.

"She was going to tell you, but you walked away without her getting a chance."

"Then why didn't she tell me, why didn't she call me." I asked.

"That is the thing with you two. The one always runs away."

"I didn't run away."

"You did yesterday and five years ago." She tells me.

"I was hurt. Gosh I loved her so much and she cut me out completely." I said.

"Well I am not saying you to blame. I would feel the same way. But this is you two for crying out loud if you can't make it, none of us would. It's a given, Spencer and Ashley works together. She loves you Spence. She needs you, she's just to damn stubborn to tell you that." So what do I do with all this? Go find her and confess my undying love.

"She would be delighted to see you. She's in New York by the way."

"Kyla I don't know. I do have someone."

"Spence be honest with me, you are just holding onto someone you know would never have your heart, you never did go that far as to date."

"Kyla please. It's been years. We two different people."

"I think you are still the same. I believe in true love. You are meant to be." She says.

As she stood up from her seat and walked over to my table, and put the glass down and taking the cup from Blair. I showed her its okay to leave it there.

She moved towards the door as Blair gives me a tight hug.

Kyla turn towards me.

"I hope you do the right thing Spencer." and with that they left my house leaving me to my own thoughts.

_Let your heart guide you…but listen closely because it whispers._


	8. Chapter 8

_**AN: I am working to get the perfect ending but it will take time, this chapter has a little NC 17 in it. I was feeling good so I hope you enjoy the chapter.**_

_**Thanks to those whose reading it.**_

Part 8

_If you are willing to trust in a person when all others tell you to go against it, if you are willing to risk getting your heart broken because you believe in that other person. Then that is true love_

_**You remind me I live in a shell,**_

_**Safe from the past,**_

_**And doing okay**_

_**But not very well,**_

_**No jolts, no surprises**_

_**No crisis arises**_

_**My life goes along as it should**_

_**It's all very nice**_

_**But not very good**_

_**And I'm ready to take a chance again**_

_**Ready to put my love on the line with you,**_

_**Been living with nothing to show for it.**_

_**You get what you get when you go for it.**_

_**And I'm ready to take a chance again with you**_

_**When she left me in all despair**_

_**I just held on**_

_**My hopes were all gone **_

_**Then I found you there**_

_**And I'm ready to take a chance again**_

_**Ready to take a chance again with you.**_

_**With you.**_

Its been a week since Kyla was in my house telling me the truth about the paternity of her daughter and the fact that her sister is now staying in New York city, and I have been drowning myself into beautiful woman and alcohol, I know that this isn't who I am, god forbid my mother gets to hear about this. But to tell you the truth I am not going to run after her, I am not going to put my heart out there to get shot down over and over for the last five years I have been a complete mess, my constant ranting and hopelessness has just gotten to the point where I cant just go there and knock on her door and surprise, surprise your lost lover showing up on your doorway like that. Believe me I have thought about it so many times, flying down there and when she opens the door I'll look her in the eyes and tell her that what she did to me doesn't matter, that I love her and always will. I would move in closely as I reached out and caress her beautiful face and look into those amazing hazel brown eyes of hers and kiss her sensibly until we both come up for air. That has been running through my mind.

Last night I had a little party at my studio and found myself flirting with another brunette and brown eyes, its like for the last week I have seeked them out. I have been avoiding calls from Madison and her jerk of a husband, for one they both lied to me, and second I am just sick of people telling me what to do. I can't live like this.

I got out of the bed as I saw her lying there arms and legs spread, she must have thought I am insane, but I just couldn't stop myself I needed to be with someone just to stop my mind from having another memory of myself and Ashley back when we were still together.

_Flashback_

_It was the last of our senior year and I have been keeping what school I am going to from her for the past month, I didn't want to ruin the time we have left. So I kept it a secret, she constantly would bring it up as she now has her own apartment and living the good life after her inheritance. Both her parents died in a plane crash leaving the two brunettes stinking rich. I hated the fact some of the girls at school thought I am with her cause of her money but to me it was about the person she never showed to the world. She was just great in that way where she could give a damn what people thought about her._

"_Spence, please not again." She said nagging that we are watching the Note Book for the millionth time, every chance we get to have movie night; I bribe her into watching it._

"_Like you'd ever deny me anything." I tell her kissing her perfect lips. I pull away seeing her giving me that I am so not going into that now look._

_Yep I seduce the brunette she is a sucker when it comes to my flirting ways. _

"_Cause I know I am getting something better out the deal." She says._

"_Which is." I ask playing dump._

"_Baby you know that I am the best you'll ever have." That was Ash knowing she is my first and only, I don't have to look any further when I have all I ever want._

"_And I am not even talking about that." She said. Now I am confused._

"_Ash?" I say._

"_Oh I love when you get all confuse and stuff. But tomorrow we are having dinner with the rents at there restaurant, by time I show off my beautiful girlfriend." She said._

"_Oh, that. Okay." I sounded disappointed I was thinking more down the line, me without clothes, her on top doing what she does best._

"_Baby sometimes I think you the one with the dirty mind."_

"_Takes one to know one." It wasn't long when she had me on my back on the couch good think my parents aren't around this weekend._

_We stared into each others eyes never leaving, I pulled my hand up as I tug her head closer to touch my lips, as her lip starting to lick the bottom of my chin then up my neck till it comes back to my jaw line as it goes to my lips and I couldn't wait any longer to taste her tongue. She kissed me slow, but passionate making little swirls with her tongue in my mouth, it was very ticklish when I felt her left hand going under my tank, stroking up and down my flat stomach, just by that it sends chills down my spine, I crunch my legs up as she fell flat in between my legs her zipper scratch up against my thigh. I knew it wouldn't be long until I loose my shirt and bra at the same time. Having her in between the valley of my breast, kissing down it, then back up as she start to grab one of my breast massaging it slowly in a rhythm of love and pulling the harden nipple as she hovers her lips around the other nipple. _

_Gosh this woman knows just how to get me all hot and bothered, I find myself inside her shirt wanting to feel more of her soft skin on top of me, she did the favour by taking it of for me including her pants but keeping her panty on. Nice Ash._

"_Oh fuck Spencer, I want you now, right here." She says as she takes my skirt and pulls it of. _

_There I was with no underwear and no bra; there she was hovering over me as our bodies could feel the want and the need to be together, making oh so sweet love._

"_Ash it's not fair that I am totally naked and you aren't." I tell her. She lifts her head up and looks at our attire._

_She gave me the signal as I tugged both my thumbs into the waist band of her g string and removed the piece of cloth that was coming between us; I want her naked and sweating. By my surprise I could already see the wetness glistening at me as I finally got rid of the cloth._

_Mmmmmmm, she is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. She plopped herself back onto me as both our bodies was laying in sync with our pussies connected, I wanted her, I wanted her inside of me, I was burning with desire as I am sure so is she._

_She start to attack my neck as I wanted more of her pussy, I wanted to be in there, wanting to ride her as she has never been ridden in her life. No offense to those who hasn't gotten the chance to have her the way I am about to have her._

_She starts to lick my earlobe nibbling on it as she purrs in it calling my name. "Spence baby inside, please." She says. no need to ask when I felt her hand moving towards mine as she slit it down our hot bodies until I get to the place she wants me. She was already wet dripping on my finger tip as I brought it back to my mouth just wanting to tasssssste her as she starts to give me that sexy laugh. I was back moving south until I start pulling at her clit wanting to tease her but I couldn't cause I wanted to be inside of her, before I got to that part she was already entering me._

"_OH FUCK ME!" I shouted as I bit on her shoulder._

"_More, go faster, more, stop teasing." She wasn't completely inside me like just barely inside me, I am arching my back as I am pushing my hip closer into her to get more of her in me. _

"_Fuck Ash, don't play baby. Fuck me right." She was laughing as I am not even bothered that she is fucking me in my parents living room on there couch. I am not worried about it at all, because I have a beautiful brunette about to make me come harder by every thrust. She starts to go deeper as she curls her fingers just in the right places._

"_Oh fuck Spence you not even in me yet but I am so fucking wet by just fucking you. aaaahhhhhhhhhh." She said. I think I should stop her talking when I had us turn over; she was now on her back while I am in charge. I found her hole and entered her with three fingers as she kept her hand on top of mine. I couldn't wait any longer as I took her hand to go back inside of me._

"_Lets come at the same time." I tell her. Fucking shit I start to stretch out my legs when she got me to the point where my orgasm was sending all the good vibes. _

_It wasn't long when we both, almost there, fuck Spence, almost. We were almost there. Just about a minute or even less._

"_."_

_End of flash._

I wish I can see her again. Just one more time. Just to tell her that maybe we could be friends are whatever.

_Is that what you want being her friend. No Spence you and I both know, there isn't another girl like her. Should I go, should I go see her? Should I._


	9. Chapter 9

Part 9

_Finding true love is hard enough, but to throw that love away just because you thought it was easier to walk away from them instead you let go and walk around with your head down facing the road you're walking. Lying around your house thinking just maybe she is better off, but what if there was some way that you could've gotten over that hurt and try again. I believe in love but the fact that it hurts even more when you are face with the loneliness._

_**Well I was a slick Midwestern gal**_

_**On a long hard road into southern cal**_

_**Didn't find any crime fillin up all my time**_

_**I had the devil in my bones and an angel on my mind**_

_**And I drank up all the movies**_

_**And I searched for happy endings**_

_**I turned love inside out till I was perfectly pretending**_

_**Still I believed it could be true **_

_**That when you find the one **_

_**There's no question in the silence**_

_**All is said and done when you find the one**_

_**When you find the one**_

_**Yeah you could say that I was crazy**_

_**I was that kinda girl**_

_**I had to open up a lot of oysters before I found myself a pearl**_

_**I had to kiss a lot of frogs to find **_

_**My grass was green enough **_

_**Had to face down in the gutter to see what is and isn't love**_

_**Then I woke up from all the dreaming to your taste and to your laughter**_

_**I cried till I was dry and now live my ever after.**_

_**I believe I always knew**_

_**When you find the one**_

_**And when you make the choice to believe in your existence**_

_**With hello you will know when you find the one**_

_**I believe it could be true**_

_**Yes I believe I always knew**_

_**And I believe it could be true**_

_I could not believe this. I could not believe Spencer Carlin is actually doing something besides moping around her house for the millionth time. So I bet you want to know what I have decided aren't it obvious. What is the one thing that would make me happy or at least more at peace with my thoughts? _

"_**The next flight to NY is leaving in approximately 30 minutes in counting."**_

_I heard the announcer calling out for what seemed the tenth time in the last hour. I was still sitting and contemplating if I should board or not. Gosh why does this seem to feel like one of those lovey dovey movies where two lovers get anxiously reunited, once they meet they both don't know what is next. What about the couple who has been on equal sides of this continent and one day they run into each other by faith, destiny, are be haps serendipity. Serendipity two lost souls, searching for something to love or to hold onto. Mine was my art, my studio, the only two things that gave me some kind of hope, or so I thought._

_I see passers by looking at the strange girl who's still deciding what to do. Out the corner of my left eye I see a lady walking towards me._

_She came standing right in front of me as she clears her throat. I look up, but she didn't have a smile. Neither was I, because I was nervous._

"_Miss are you going to get on this flight, it's leaving in a few minutes." She gives me a long stare. I am still sitting, feels like I can't move. _

_"Miss." She says again. I move around my chair still not sure until I heard._

"_**Final call out for the flight to NY."**_

_I was stuck. The lady stood until she too gave up. All the way here and you don't move. What is wrong with you? _

_I look towards the door towards the plane as she stood there. Just looking at me. Her brown eyes reminded me of the girl I once knew the girl that is on the other side of that door._

**AN: So you guys should know by now I watch a lot of romantic movies, I love those will she or will she type a chick flicks. I guarantee you I have sat at that exact spot where Spence is sitting what's next. **

**I know the chapter is short but hopefully next one will be longer.**

**The song is Melissa Etheridge, When you find the one. My gf send it to me awhile back and I just got addicted to the lyrics**


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: I got a surprise Ash POV. Finding out what she felt in that time when they broke up and everything else that occurred. I kind of like this story I never knew how it would come together but I seem to be on the right path. I am thanking those whose reading this story, and also those whose making it there favourite story. You guys are great. **

**Enjoy.**

Part 10

_Flash back_

_Seeing her after all this time was so great, I brought her here under false pretences but I just knew it's the only way to get her here. I shouldn't have lied to her, all this years and I kept the truth from her, the real reason why we broke up. It wasn't easy to do. I never meant to hurt her but I did. _

"_Spence." Her name rolled of my tongue. Gosh she is even more beautiful that she has been a more grown version from the girl I loved, still love. It's been painful getting over her, but I knew I couldn't._

"_Spencer." I said again. She seemed in a daze as the small brunette is looking up at her surprising. She is such a good kid. But the woman who's standing in our doorway can't seem to tear her eyes away from the little girl._

"_Mom, is she Spencer." I heard Blair asking. I have told her so much about my friend Spencer._

_I think it must have been the next incident that pushes all hope out of the road for us to ever be able to work through this. _

_Blair saw Tania coming down the path. As she got even more exited seeing her other mother._

"_My mommy." Blair said as she went to Tania as they both hugging each other. Its then that Spencer gave me that look and turned around and that was it._

_End of flash back_

That was it, the last I ever saw the blonde. Gosh looking back on all those wasted years.

The truth is I did it for my sister. I met Tania just a few months before Blair was born. We got married right after raising Blair as our own. I believed that I did love her but I wasn't as deeply in love with her as I have been with Spencer.

The marriage lasted two years until we ended it, I kept staying on with the façade of being Blair's parents until Kyla came back, we had to end the charade it was driving me insane. To be stuck in a life I really didn't want to be apart of.

Until one day I couldn't be in L.A any longer. Aiden told me I should move on because Spencer has and that she never wants to have anything to do with me. I did just that, I stayed away from her.

_Flash back_

"_Do you want to get married." Is she insane or is this just to hold onto us._

_I was shocked I couldn't answer her. I knew that I love her that I would want to marry her, gosh I want to say yes, but I can't._

"_Did you just say that you want to get married." I asked._

"_Yeah." She said. I could see that the question surprised her as well. I want to marry you baby, I wish I can tell you. _

"_Crazy right." She added._

"_A little." I replied._

_Gosh I just stood there, not knowing what to say, not knowing what to feel. Not wanting to do the next thing. The only thing I came here to do. _

"_I want you to be my wife." She said. I could tell she is serious about this._

_I walked back into the apartment leaving her out there until I heard her foot steps. All of a sudden this whole thing is spiralling into something I didn't want it to go. I knew this was going to be hard, I knew that she is going to make this hard, nothing with Spence is ever easy going, but I love her for that, she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. But my sister needs me._

_This was hard to say. _

"_Spence any other time maybe, but we can't. You can't just spring this on me."_

"_Do you love me?" How could she even ask?_

"_Off course I love you? What type of question is that? But not now we can't get married?" I told her. Tears were burning but I couldn't show it, I had to stay strong._

_I am breaking her heart._

_I am breaking mine, even more then you'd ever know._

"_Ash I love you. I will pack up and go home?" I couldn't let her._

_I would never forgive myself._

"_No!" I yelled. I think it's the first time I yelled at her. I am saving her from a life of pain._

"_NO! WHY?" that is just Spencer never taking a answer without an explanation. I was pacing around, I just couldn't stay. I knew she was never going to forgive me for what I am about to do._

"_Because we still both young, we got so much that we have to discover, you with your art me and my music. I am not ready for that neither are you." I told her._

"_Don't tell me what I need or don't need. You don't seem to see what I am seeing. I am willing to give all this up for you." she argued back._

_I knew in my heart there was no return from where we are standing right now._

"_For you to regret me, later on. Never." That was a lie I had to believe to make her see that I was serious._

"_I wont." She said._

_I was on a mission. I was getting this argument wrapped up to go to bed._

"_We don't know what lies ahead Spence, so I don't want to commit to something I can't promise you."_

"_Just like that." She asked me._

"_We done talking about this. I am going to bed." With that said I turned around towards her bedroom. _

_End of flash back_

She never came to bed that night. I remember the following morning when I got up and took a shower getting ready for my flight back home. I stood standing behind the couch until I moved around and went to sit on the vacant seat as her legs moved over, just starring at her, those beautiful eyes that I would miss, her smile, her hair as my fingers would tangle in them. Just everything about her, watching her in concentration while she is busy drawing. The little things that make her this perfect creature that was send to me from above. I believe she was the only girl I ever could say I was truly meant to be with nothing and nobody could take that away from me.

Here I am sitting in my loft as I am playing on the keys of my piano.

Playing when you find the one. I came to love this song. I miss her. I want her back. Is there anyone out there who could help me reach out? Help me to make her understand that I wish I never broke her heart or even lied to her about Blair.

Walking away that morning was painful, as I kissed her on her forehead.

Few days later I ended it with her.

I never looked back from that day. I stayed away for the best. Walking away is the stupidest thing anyone could ever do. Maybe Spencer is happy with someone else. Maybe I am just wasting tears on a lost love.

_**Till we meet again: love is missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart.**_

She still loves me.


	11. Chapter 11

Part 11

_Sitting here by the water as the droplets falls from the trees as it makes these perfect crystals inside the water; I picture your tears falling from your eyes. The tears I have put their that night, but I don't know what I am going to do, I was writing you this song as the lyrics fell from my tongue I knew then that you were my heart and my soul. That I still love you, I am not ready to let you go, not ready to go any longer onto what my life should have been like, I am done wasting time. I am done thinking I shouldn't contact you, if I am to late then, at least I tried, because I am ready to be happy to search for that love we once had._

_Battling with your own desire to be happy with everything, but that someday, we all look at that some day and we asked each other this why couldn't I just wait._

_I remember the letter I wrote and never send to her._

_Dear Love_

_Some day I knew that our love would return until then I want to believe that it wasn't just a fantasy that you and I were real. I have never in my life felt so alive. Never have I thought that I could fall in love with a beautiful amazing blonde blue-eyed girl. I mean it's me I screw up but you saw past everything and everyone. Knowing you were once a part of my life makes me feel happy. Makes me feel loved, these days I am just a lost girl living the life of a singer, singing sad ballads and writing lyrics that wants to make me cry all over again._

_But baby I love you and will always, you are my fantasy wife, my fantasy lover. I want my fantasy to return to me one day._

_Oxoxoxoxxox_

_Ashley_

_I tear it up right afterwards. _

Spencer POV

_I was starting to get freaked out the more I started thinking about the things I never done, the things I could've done to be happy. To try and find some courage to take that extra step. Just when I was about to loose all control of my decision I was knocked out from falling flat on my ass. _

_Its faith right until I saw a blonde guy walking towards me picking me up and asking me if I am okay. The lady who stood at the door just before it was closing directed the guy towards her with me in his arms and my bag on his one shoulder. He seems very big but also cute. If faith had it any other way, this guy was send to me to give me that last push in this way he was send to actually be the course of me sitting in this chair on my way towards a place I was doubting or contemplating but then I hear her voice, and seeing those eyes. I wonder if she is still the same. Still the girl I was in love with or still am. Was I a fantasy sometimes I think we lived in this bubble where it was just the two of us, that our dreams would come true. The fantasy of her being my girlfriend, my wife, my friend, my forever. Oh how I miss the reality of that fantasy. It's been so long._

_Like that song when I need you._

_I do that so much, I close my eyes then I am with her, then she is there just a heartbeat away. I want to touch her face, her hair, trace every outline of her features. Seeing those chocolate brown eyes glowing whenever we use to be together._

_Oh gosh I miss her so much._

Ashley POV

_Maybe I should go back home, go back and find her. I received a voice mail on my machine from Kyla not too long ago; I try to stay in contact with her as often to just hear my little girl or my niece sometimes I still think about her being mine. I loved her as my own. If only I told Spencer about everything, maybe we could've done this together, being the stand in mothers for Blair. But I didn't want to ruin college life for her I didn't want her parents on my trail. I had enough problems on my own I couldn't still take on the Carlins. Being with their daughter was great but being the course of them loosing her wasn't who I am. I wasn't going to make her choose her parents or me; I wish my parents were still alive. They died in my senior year leaving Kyla and myself to defend for ourselves without any supervision I was 18 and Kyla was 16. Then a year later Kyla got pregnant. The father is still a topic she dare not share with me, if I found out who he was I would have confronted him, but looking at Blair I cant tell exactly if I am sure are not. But I think at some point Kyla has to tell Blair the truth._

_I was walking back into my studio as I saw her lying there on the sofa with her earphones plugged into her ears. Sometimes I wonder why I keep doing this, why do I keep finding someone to fill that loneliness. Gosh you got to stop this Ash. If you want her back you got to stop this._

_She looks at me as she pulls the earplugs out her ears._

"_If I was right you were thinking about her again, haven't you." she says. I just look at her then when to go sit and play with the piano keys._

"_And every time it's the same tune coming from that thing." She says. I kept playing, shutting her out._

"_Don't you have some place to be are someone to do." I ask her. That is what she is good for, always getting into trouble by stealing other people's girls._

"_Well if I believe you are okay then I would be off doing someone right about now, but I am staying in tonight. I am sick off you sulking." She says. I stare at her and ask myself why I took her in again. _

"_Trust me I am okay. Better then I have ever been."_

"_You miss her and you aren't okay." She said._

"_Drew please go bother someone else." I said, getting frustrated._

"_Ash, you gave me a place to stay. A girl you never even met before in your life. You saw me and took me in. I look up to you like mother." She said._

_Okay I haven't been all open about who she is, she is the girl I adopted a few months ago I found her outside the club I was having a gig. Every week going there seeing this girl scratching into garbage bins, one night after telling her I wont hurt her that I want to help her and find someone to take her in. I never found her parents; eventually she told me they were killed in a car accident just like mine. Kyla knew about Drew, she even said why you don't adopt her. Me adopting a 16-year-old girl who also turns out to be a lesbian. _

_Know she isn't my lover but she is a pain in the ass kind of a kid. But do I care about her and love her yes I do. She is a real good kid, but she just irritates me. I told her all about Spencer and Tania. She said I was a sad sorry of a girl friend. _

_Why thought I asked. She told me because you gave up the love of your life, lying to her making her believe you never really wanted her when deep down you just this sad pathetic rich girl. Yikes hated her for that. I hate a lot of things she says but that actually make a lot of sense. _

"_I am honoured but please use your room to have time outs with that girl up stairs." I tell her. She finally got up from the couch. It wasn't long she was standing behind me, as both her arms went around my neck, holding tight to me._

"_I love you, Ash. You need to find her and make it happen already." She says. She kissed the top of my head, like how any mother would do. _

"_I love you too, but you need to watch out little girl." I said in a serious voice the watch out. _

"_Okay I'll leave you to your sad songs."_

"_Oh thanks for gracing me with your presence." _

"_You need to get laid Ash, you might enjoy it." she said just when I was about to run after her she sprint toward her room._

"_I am so going to kill her." I told myself. _


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: It has been ages since I have come to this story, I do apologize, I don't have a computer right now but I quickly typed this chapter out in my free time at work. This is more a filler chapter, its about the story Spencer wrote but based of a dream she had. I hope you guys enjoy this one. I hope to be back soon. As I can only say I try not to let life get me down, writing is my only way to search what is inside my own heart and soul, perhaps to restore something that has been missing.**

_**Any ways I would stop the ramble and just want to dedicate this chapter to my girl friend. **_

Part 12

Is that what love is, coming full circle with the one you love. Sometimes life can be so harsh towards people, do we deserve such harshness. I fell in love once, with a beautiful girl and ever since the day we departed my life was never the same again. There were times I felt that maybe I am not the one who should be in love, feelings that never dissipated was still constant. That was when I started to write this beautiful short story about these two girls, they were from opposites of this world but they had so much in common, their easy bantering turned into heavy flirting.

_The blondish girl came from a background that was almost similar to my own. Parents split at a young age, having no one else but herself to rely on, in my case I had both parents loving me even though they divorced, but the blond girl was an amazing artist, she could drew just about anything, she was an inspiration. One more thing this story I dreamt it all one night. I know weird right but it felt like it was apart of my life, like it was Ashley and myself. _

_Erin and Dana met at a time in their life where neither had anyone to comfort them in their pain. Erin a struggling painter and Erin a heavily addicted cocaine addict met one night at a club where Erin was busy working as a waitress. Her means of earnings were either to get paid by grams of coke or sleeping her way through getting her alcohol tab paid up. That didn't stop Dana from falling hopelessly in love with the brunette. Erin was a beauty behind those dark rings under her chocolate brown eyes. Those eyes that would just pull you in. wasn't that how I fell for Ashley as well._

_Further on with the story. It was months after the two started dating Erin and Dana's relationship was starting to go under, just know that Erin gave up that life she lived and started becoming the type of girl worthy of being with Dana. I think that Dana was more in love with the idea of Erin, having her to herself then actually being true to her own heart. It was the ninth month after they finally broke up, but guess what happened, we would think that Erin would be the one to hurt Dana, but it turns out Dana was having an online affair with someone while Erin had no idea what was going on, but the signs was their. Dana's interest and way of talking to Erin changed. She would stay away for days and not let Erin know about anything that is going on. _

_In my own capacity, I think Erin had every right to have known what was happening to her girl friend. Would this push Erin so far that she would go back to that life. A life without the girl she was falling I love with._

"_I love her so much, Josh. Like totally irrevocably in love and you know that hardly happens to me." She told her friend. He stood standing with both his hands tucked into his jean pockets. _

"_If I ever thought I would hear those words coming from your mouth I wouldn't believe it, but I have seen you two together and I believe yes you can be falling in love. You in trouble Er." They grew up together and his nickname for Erin was always Er._

_She has this use smile on her face and as he went into give her a hug, they held each other for awhile until they pull apart when, Josh saw the tears coming down her face. He took his left hand and wiped the tears from her cheeks. In all this time Josh has had a secret crush on the brunette, but she loved girls more, but she is his best friend for life._

_A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be. ~Douglas Pagels_

Dana was already with someone else, the online girl was now more then an acquaint, she was a secret lover. Erin got news on this a week after she told Josh about her being in love with Dana, but Dana wasn't in the same boat.

_A year later the two bumped into each other in the park. It was a morning ritual for Erin and Josh to run in the mornings, until they bumped into each other._

_She was sitting on the bench as Erin followed her._

"_It's been awhile." Dana said._

"_Yes it's been a while," Erin replied._

_Erin started to get agitated her hands starting to grip to the bench she wanted to know why she hurt so badly._

"_Did I not love you enough or was I not enough for you." She asked._

"_It was never about that, it just happened Erin, things happen. I did love you, but we weren't those people."_

_Erin started to laugh at the irony. Was this girl serious?_

"_That is basically the same thing, Dana. You fucked me over. I was in love with you, I thought we had something good."_

"_Erin, I am sorry, I wish I can change that now, but I am sorry for hurting you." Out of nowhere another brunette with similar shaped eyes appeared in front of them. Erin was looking up as the sun blinded her; she looked at the girl then back at Dana. Who couldn't say anything? _

_In that same time Josh appears behind Erin as he laid his left hand on her shoulder. He squeezed it abit, knowing Erin is tensing up abit. He greeted Dana politely._

"_Hi Dana, nice seeing you." He said. She replied the same._

" _I think we should go, Amber." Dana telling her girl friend. She turns back around towards the couple sitting on the bench now._

"_Erin it was really nice seeing you, I hope one day we can be friends again." She bowed her head, but nothing came from Erin. They walked away as Josh nudged Erin's shoulders. He stood up holding his hand._

"_Let's get this pity party started kiddo." He said laughing, and she follows suit as she takes his hand and him pulling her in. if only this could've been the person I was suppose to be with._

_Sticks and stones are hard on bones  
Aimed with angry art;  
Words can sting like anything  
But silence breaks the heart._

_I was silently brought out of my deep dream. It's been like this for ages now. _

_I was finally in New York City. I was here, the Big Apple, the place that has been holding the other piece of my heart. Gosh I can't believe I am here. I am going to see her._

Short memory

_I do that so much, I close my eyes then I am with her, then she is there just a heartbeat away. I want to touch her face, her hair, trace every outline of her features. Seeing those chocolate brown eyes glowing whenever we use to be together._

_Oh gosh I miss her so much._

Her.

_Ash? I am on my way._

_Finding a taxi wasn't so hard, my knight in shining armor was still beside me, and it's like his my guardian angel. I believe in those. If it wasn't for him I don't know if I would still have been sitting there and contemplating on what is next. So here I am about to find her. Kyla hasn't told her anything about looking me up neither has she told Ash that she has told me everything._

_Life is so short you know, living with the fear of loving again, guarding your heart from the people or person you love the most. I can't deny my love for her, its inevitable, that she is my soul mate, my one true love, that it took us five years to find each other. So many time has passed but my love and I know her love for me is constant._

Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky.


	13. Chapter 13

Part 13

_**There's a song in the land of the lily,**_

_**Each sweetheart has heard with a sigh.**_

_**Over high garden walls this sweet echo falls**_

_**As a soldier boy whispers goodbye,**_

_When I met her she was the most amazing person I have met, perhaps not in my life, but their was something about her that never went out noticed. Firstly her spunk, her free will the fact that she would never let anything stand in her way. Everything about her would amaze me. It was like she was a picture that I wanted to sketch, a poetical voice that sprang from her. Her tan skin so soft and so sweet of vanilla and coconut cream. Looking into her eyes was always my favourite because what the world don't know she carries her heart on her sleeve, if you look closely you would noticed that she is just an ordinary girl. She used to ask me numerous times. _

"_Spence, what is it about me that you love. I don't think I am that special to be loved by you."_

_She was wrong, she was special if not by others, but she was my angel, my beautiful angel that would lift me up when the world didn't treat me right. Yet for five years not having her close by was painful, but all I can tell you, is that she is the love of my life. I know that we can work this out because deep down I know that we are meant for each other. Whether she has been with other people after us, I still love her; my heart just can't face growing old without her beside me._

_Starring into those hazel brown eyes, and tangling my fingers between her brown locks. I wonder if she still has that flare about her. That sassiness that drawn so many people to her, I remember when Aiden was the cause of our many troubles back when we first started to date._

_**Smile the while you kiss me sad adieu**_

_**When the clouds roll by I'll come to you.**_

_**Then the skies will seem more blue,**_

_**Down in lover's lane, my dearie**_

_If loving someone was an easy thing, I would have never let her walk away and walk out my life with even as much as a fight. We have regrets; oh don't we all have them from time to time. We just want to carry on with our lives, but yet all we do is hurt trying to force the pain of that lost. Whether it's a wife, husband, boyfriend or girl friend or even a close family member or friend. We are so consume to think that our problems won't come back, we block it, hold it for as long as we can, but with one push it's out._

_If I knew she was living out here, if I have known Kyla was the mother of the baby. The now four years old that was the main reason I couldn't end up with Ashley._

_Well you are here now. You are finally at the door of the woman that you love. _

_What will she do? What will she say? Seeing her or her seeing me after all these years._

_**Wedding bells will ring so merrily**_

_**Every tear will be a memory.**_

_**So wait and pray each night for me**_

_**Till we meet again.**_

_The meeting of two hearts that drifted away on an ice berg, the two souls reaching out to one another trying to hold on for dear life. Their tears stream over the delicate faces, mouths becoming white from the cold surrounding them. Their hands never falling down, but it was too late for them. It was too late for the lovers to gain their strength as the ice bergs started to melt and it was all over as they both start too sunk in. Their heads and bodies fighting the cold waters of the steep ocean. _

_Where is Shakespeare when he was writing his sonnet 116? __**Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds. When life gets hard, when things change, true love remains the same. That feeling that everything's going to be okay and that there's going to be someone there to help make sure of that."**_

"_No!" out of breath…trying to get my breathing together. I saw my door flung open as the light from the passage shines on my face, seeing her standing their as she asked if I am okay. I don't give her any answer, because I am losing her, I am losing her in that ocean. It felt so real. _

_I feel my bed sunk next to me as she sits straight up holding me in her arms as she is asking me what the dream was about, I cant talk, she wouldn't understand. I need to find her. She must need me; I get the same dream almost every night for the last two weeks. Every time I saved her, but this time I couldn't, I couldn't save either of us. I am losing my mind, I need her. I got to go back. _

_I finally pull out her arms as she looks at me, her own tears starting to form._

"_Mom." She says. I pull her in to me, reassuring her that I am okay. That I just had a bad dream. That I am going to be fine. She wiped her tears from her face. And got up from my bed. She reached for the door knob. Her hand just touched it before it open she turned around looking at me with those eyes similar too Spencer's. _

_Oh, Spence where are you? I say in my mind._

"_I love you." she says and open the door._

"_I love you too." With that she closed the door behind her. I threw the blankets of me. Trying to search for my laptop as I open it under the desk light._

_**Though goodbye means the birth of a tear drop,**_

_**Hello means the birth of a smile.**_

_**And the smile will erase the tear blighting trace,**_

_**When we meet in the after while.**_

_Empty hearts searching, forgiving, raising a child that isn't or wasn't yours. So many people depending on the outcome of your choices, but yet we don't see the true picture. That no matter how far you move, no matter if you could find someone to love again. The only thing that would heal is if you would meet her again on a faraway dusty road. _

_I want to meet her again, I want to hold her. Caress her face; tangle my hands through her long blonde hair. Watch her fall asleep after a long night love making. I want to lay beside her, waking up as I see those blue eyes peek at me, the way it use to when we were so much younger. Will my heart ever find her, till we meet again my sweet love?_

_**Smile the while you kiss me sad adieu**_

_**When the clouds roll by I'll come to you**_

_**Then the skies will seem more blue**_

_**Down in lover's lane, my dearie,**_

_The sun was busy appearing over the sky scrapers. My taxi pilled up at he pent house where she lives. It was finally the moment where I would see her again. _

_I got out of my cab as I take out my duffel bag throwing my purse over my shoulders. I was now stood looking up to the sky, maybe the God's would send me a sign saying this is right or wrong, my hands start to get clammy, my stomach is doing flip flops, from being nerves. This isn't how I ever dreamt it would be, I fly so far to keep standing. My feet not even moving, like it was glued to the pavement. I dropped my bag beside me as I see a girl; she looks about fifteen or maybe sixteen, with blonde and red streaks in her hair. Her glasses perched up her head as she takes a sip of her coffee. She has a canvas bag on her shoulder looking for something. Finally pulling out a flyer as she gives the doorman one. _

_She turns towards me. Watching me for a while. Then finally I hear her speak._

"_Hey you, looking for someone, you seem lost." I said nothing. She saw me not answering. She gives me a once over look and carry on her merry way._

_The doorman at the entrance finally came walking up to me as he wants to know if he can help me out and not to mind the girl she is a tenant here with her mother. _

_I looked down the road where the girl is walking; I wondered how old her mother could be out loud. When the doorman replied: "the funny thing is she is old enough to be her sister nonetheless." He smiled, I smiled._

_I passed him as he directs me to the elevators. I stood in the elevator, my chest pulling tight, I am starting sweat. Gosh Spence get a hold of yourself, its only Ashley Davies. _

_Just saying her name, being able to see her. I wonder if she is still single. A girl like herself would never stay single, but Kyla said she loves me. That she has never stopped loving me. Why did she walk away?_

_I was standing outside her door. I was standing in front of 381. The door number to woman I love. My one true love. My soul mate. _

_Just one knock._

_Just one time._

_Just one smile._

_Just one hug._

_Just us._

_Again._

_**Wedding bells will ring so merrily**_

_**Every tear will be a memory**_

_**So wait and pray each nigh for me**_

_**Till we meet again.**_

_**The end**_

**AN: The song is Till we meet again by Raymond B Egan. You won't believe but this song was written by him in 1918. Yes it is that old and it fitted in beautifully. I didn't know the outcome on the chapter and the song but I gave it my best. It is the end, if you got confuse with the two POV's of Ash & Spence I hope it wasn't that hard to understand. I found it better too write this way because I wanted these two girls to find each other in a very mysterious way. It's a love story that finally came to the end. They met again. I am not planning any sequel to this story. Thank you to those who has been reading and reviewing. **

**I know my stories have been very slow on the update due to personal reasons. But I am thankful to be able to get the creative muse to finish this story it has become one of my favourites after WHTM.**

**I have created a twitter account if any of you like to follow me and my new journey as a poet. Its mspoeticgirl.**

**Love to all.**

**Chim**


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